Chapter 11 : Untitled

The confusion
The scared
The liability
Am i have to get through all of it?
Why should i?

Can't we just love each other like the other?
Love is just love right?
It's pure, beautiful and yet fragile
Then, why the forbidden word goes for it?

Are we born to be a sinner?
I want to be the sun
My life is not for myself
But whatever I do, I can't get Thee full grace
Why can't i?
.....................
Why must i?

-Deventer, 04/02/2010 ; 04:47-

Chapter 10 : Singing (Part. 1)

You always become half of my life
You always be my eternal passion
One of my reason to live

Here
I couldn't find you
Creating fall for my summer heart

To be alive
I must find the path
I have to get you
I have to express myself
then i found this way..

Chapter 9 : Woman

Fly fly our drama queen
Floating beautifully like a butterfly
Caught the males in your arm
Elegantly such as white tiger

Yet toward me
You are nothing
Your sharpest glance even can not crack the chain
The fragrant talk will not stop my vain
Oh yes
I am standing in front of the gateway to hell

I do not know who i must blame for this
Is their hair not auroral?
The mountain not beautiful enough?
The well do not have the charm?
Or my heart and intention are the special one?
My lovegame never paint your name
In the future, i hope it will not be the same

-Deventer, 03/02/2010 ; 01:34 AM-

Chapter 8 : My Angel

Malam ini kutatap mata orang yang paling aku hormati dalam hidup..
Kuselami dalam-dalam…
Raut wajahnya menceritakan kesedihan yang mendalam..
Hingga kurasa besarnya beban yang beliau pikul..
Dengan tubuh yang telah termakan usia..
Mewujudkan segala tanggung jawab tulus dari hati malaikatnya..
Dalam segala laku yang senantiasa melindungi kami dari marabahaya..
Abdul Aziz Malanti, malaikat penjaga kami..

Tuhan..
Tiada balasan yang malaikat kami harapkan..
Tiada masalah yang malaikat kami berikan..
Setiap tetes keringatnya..
Hanyalah demi KEBAHAGIAAN malaikat-malaikat kecilnya..
Yang senantiasa selalu meminta lebih tanpa peduli apa yang terjadi..
Sayapnya yang telah penuh luka..
Tetap merangkul kami dengan penuh kehangatan..
Demi KERUKUNAN dalam keluarga yang dilindunginya..
serta KEDAMAIAN dan KEBENARAN demi keselamatan bersama…

Sering dia utarakan hal tentang kematian..
Seakan dia bisa merasakan bahwa semua akan segera berakhir..
Kekekalan memang bukanlah milik manusia..
Namun kumohon padaMu dalam tiap sembahku..
Janganlah renggut beliau dari kami..
Sebelum kami dapat membalas semua yang telah dia berikan..
Sebelum kami dapat membuatnya menangis..
Penuh kebahagiaan..
Sebelum kami dapat menjadi apa yang beliau cita-citakan..
Sebelum kami dapat mengembalikan kebahagiaannya yang telah lama sirna..

Kala ini..
Aku hanya dapat berdoa..
Dan meraih semuanya demi menjadi orang yang berguna..
Semua untuk senyum penuh bangga..
Mengembalikan cahaya dalam relung hatinya..
Menghilangkan semua rasa sia-sia..
Kuyakin ku bisa..
Demi malaikatku tercinta..
Love u dad..

-Surabaya, 07-09-2008-

PS : Sebetulnya tulisan lama, namun baru saya posting sekarang. :)

Chapter 7 : Spirit

What's wrong with my heart?

I want to move, but i can't

My ambition is binding me with a huge pivot

My freedom also told me not

Arrived here

I always want to fly as free as a dragonfly

I want to do what my mind want me to do

I know what is my boundary

But i don't want other people make it for me

Maybe i've been carrying an evil on my shoulder

Since tonight i can't be a real fighter

My motivation is really weak

I need some trigger to achieve my peak

Allah,

What should i do?

Could you just tell me what is the secret on a hero?

Could you share your eternal flame and placing it inside?

I need your guidance

I am begging you

Knees and begged

Crying and despair

-Deventer, Wednesday 27th January 2010-

Chapter 6 : Internship

Bulan Februari sudah tinggal hitungan hari, yang berarti it's time to begin my internship and research project. Namun sampai sekarang, engga ada perusahaan yang kasih keputusan positif terhadap aplikasi yang aku kirim kemereka. Sudah lebih dari 10 perusahaan yang aku tuju, namun hanya 1 yang berminat mengundangku untuk interview ( IMOSS dan itu pun mereka menolak karena ada kandidat lain yg lebih berkompeten.. which i agreed with that opinion), sisanya menolak dan 2 perusahaan masih menunggu jawaban. Dag Dig Dug Pasrah

Sehari sebelum pemberitahuan kepastian kerja di IMOSS, i had this very bad mood and i felt smthing about my internship. Engga tahu, biasanya engga pernah mikirin ampe bad mood banget, namun kemarin itu bener2 sampe merasuk ke hati dan bikin pikiran jadi negatif semua. And that was how Allah preparing myself for that news with giving those signal. Ketika berdoa pada Allah pun, aku merasa bahwa perusahaan itu bukanlah perusahaan yang akan Dia berikan padaku. He have smthing better for me. I don't know, i just knew it.

Smthing better for me yg akan Allah berikan adalah sebuah kepastian kerja di perusahaan yang berskala lebih besar atau bahkan engga kerja sama sekali. Entahlah, mungkin ketika aku engga dapat kepastian kerja internship (which 2 temanku yg lain di URP udah dapet project2 yg super keren sementara aku masih menunggu) mungkin akan membuatku shock dan down untuk beberapa saat. Bahkan aku sempat berpikir untuk mengisolasi diri dari mereka for few moment. Sedikit protes aja kepada takdir. :p

Kedua sisi jawaban tersebut aku melihatnya sebagai sesuatu yg positif. Di sisi pertama, aku pengen banget mendapatkan project yang keren untuk internshipku dengan bayaran dan pengalaman yang sesuai. Aku harap KUIPER dan WEST 8 bisa memberikan jawaban yg positif dan memberikanku kesempatan. Namun dilain sisi, aku juga melihat..... It's okay!! Kadang aku juga perlu untuk merasakan sebuah kegagalan.. Aku perlu ditampar, aku perlu diingatkan.. bahwa semua yg aku punya ternyata masih belum cukup.. Allah tahu bahwa aku punya impian yang sangat tinggi, aku orang yang berambisi.. dan Allah tahu bahwa aku harus belajar banyak, terjatuh dengan keras, bangkit lagi dan menjadi insan yang jauh lebih baik dan lebih kuat.. Aku akan belajar Adobe Illustrator, 3D Max, Adobe Photoshop, ikut kompetisi2 atau cari kerja part time.. There are many option that i can spend for my free time though..

But still, i want the best.. and the best is Get a Very Extra Cool Project for My Internship!!! Semoga bisaa!!

And lastly....

This night..

I have this strange dream about my internship. Ada orang yg kasih proyek bagus banget ke aku, namun dia masih mengajukan beberapa syarat dan masih hrus ada penyaringan lagi. Entahlah, apakah itu karena aku terlalu mikir banget, akhirnya sampe kebawa mimpi. Atau itu adalah pertanda positif dari Allah. And of course! i hope that it will be realized in the future.. Bismillah, semoga Engkau berikan aku jalan yg terbaik ya Allah... ^_^

-Deventer, Friday 22nd January, 2010-

Chapter 5 : Dare to be different

It's been a few weeks since i was thinking about my hair already needed to have some cut. The arabic gen in my blood sometimes causing some grooming difficulties, the fast growth of my hair.

I am very jealous with my javanese friends in here. It's already 3 months, and they still don't need to cut their hair. It's still short, yet i already cut it twice. Why am i very concern about this?? because cutting your hair here, means that you must ready to spend 10-15 euro for each cut. It's about 150.000-250.000 rupiah and that's a huge amount of money.. T.T

Ok then, this day.. I was deciding to cut my hair in Turkish Barbershop. My friend, Andy, already tried that place, and he said it was 'okay', and it also the cheapest one in town, 10 euro for once. 

Actually, I had this negative feeling, i was afraid that the cut won't be nice. I was afraid that they couldn't speak english and they will be misunderstood with what i want for my hair. 

And it's really happened!!

Gosh...

At the first time i was seeing my hair done, i felt that my charm and my youth was already dissapear by the hand of a barber. It's looks very weird!!! 

I was saying on the first time that "on the side part of my head, i need it to be more shorter than the upper part" and i also said "please cut all of it, but not too short please".. And i'm right, they were misunderstood and created hell for me..

They made the side part very very very short, like the military boys.. And the upper part, still long.. Gosh, I wanted to scream, but i prefer to stay cool or they will think that all of Indonesians will scream if they get a bad haircut.. ^_^

So, i just want him to fix some part of it, to lower the autism look.. And i went home with my heart breaking into pieces.. My gorgeous hair, already dissapeared..

While riding my bike, i was thinking that... Actually, my haircut wasn't that bad.. The barber created some almost-mohawk style on the top of my head, but i just don't get used to it.. 

I was out from my comfort zone.. I had a new-style of haircut!! Totally new.. with some gel or hair foam, i will look more younger and naughty than my usual appearance...

Then i decided,okay.. WHY NOT?? Why i must afraid to be different? I was just adding some story in my book of life.. I can tell my kids in the future, that your father ever had some different style on his head.. PAPA IS DARE TO BE DIFFERENT!! -even it's because of some accident.. not my real intention-

So, i am having a new hairstyle now.. totally different from my former style which i've been using it since 21 years ago.. :)

And i'm ready for it.. The insult, praise, everything... 

In the future, i will also want to be more innovative and trying something new for myself.. because life will be very priceless, if you don't want to create an unique and strong story for it.. Life is short, just draw your best and unique experience.. and when you're old, you will have the biggest smile ever when you look into your past..

HAPPY EXPERIMENTING!!!

-with still obeying the limit of your norm-