My house is not a home

My house is a not a home
Anymore

My house is not a home
When I can not do the things that I like
My house is not a home
When I find that the conversations are not suitable for my ears
My house is not a home
When the companions do not support me to reach my dreams
My house is not a home
When I always insisted to join the things that is not suited for my soul
My house is not a home
When it is hard for me to do the right things!!

Should I stay or should I run away?
I did talk but it vanished by a single blow
If I yelled, they would run and never come back
I do not want to be the bad guy
then I trapped and I can not get out

My house is not a home anymore
What should I do for it??

-Our home, 17/06/2011-

The silent conversation

A boy is covering himself in the cold winter
As he starting to speak to his heart

"Could you tell me why you make me worry about future?"
"Too much making me become coward rather than just go for it"

Heart says,
"Ask your mind, I only speak on what you really need in this life."
Thus, it is starting to sleep again in its silence.

The boy asks his mind,
"Why you have to make me think about my abstract future? Is it really necessary?"
"I have seen people who worried to much. They were like just sitting in a rocking chair, it gave them something to think, but wouldn't direct them anywhere."
"Moreover, it collected the negative energy around them, attracted negative destiny"
"..and making them couldn't enjoy on what's around them and what's happening now."

Mind says,
"What I have here are your contemplation collections of your life observation."
"You have seen many people failed on the road, yet have seen they stood up again walking on the mountain."
"What I have here.. you control them.. I am you, I can do what you want me to do.."
"Sometimes I become very hard depend on how scared you are on something and how negative your paradigm."
"I think.. you don't need to reflect on other people's destiny that much."
"We have our own path, you can create your own miracle. Just believe, that you can, be patient, keep doing it. God loves those who fight for their dreams."

Boy says,
"You mean? Worrying or not? Scared or not? it's depend on me??"

Mind says,
"Depend on you and your heart.. You two should work together.. If you trust your heart, listen to it, believe it, and be strong whatever comes around. You will make it. I know you can, I have seen it in your deep peaceful eyes since long time ago. You always can be what you want you to be.."

Then the boy starts jumping from his cover, and walk outside the house.. As he ready for facing the world, again...

-Den Haag, 04/01/2011-

The outsider

Let him be the reef crushed by the waves
The lonely small red flower in the grass land
The hidden diamond on the desert

Crossing the mountains, streams, sahara
Let him use what he wants to use
Let him do what he wants to do
Let him be what he wants him to be

The devils are laughing for the fun
Pairs, triple, quadruple, more and more
It is never enough
The boy just see and say
"Let they be what they want to be" as he sees nothing.

Soft like a cotton, firm like a rock.. his heart is..
Facing the world, what you have is only you and your principles..
Do not get thrown away by the typhoon
Do not get sunk in the ocean
Build your own path, decide your own direction
By being yourself, knowing yourself, knowing what you need, knowing your dreams.

Be the outsider, and carve your stairways to heaven.

A gate opener

I am not a saint..
Nor an angel..
Nor a warrior..
Nor a noble..

I only a boy who wants to be a gate opener..
Open their ways to the world..
Open their ways to the enlightenment of science..
Ways to a better world..

I love Turkish boys!

I was so into Turkish boys since the first time I came to the Netherlands. Then, I went to Istanbul and realized that they're one of the most beautiful creatures that God ever made. The mixture of ethnics created a lot of very beautiful faces that I could find one every 3-5 minutes walk in the city. Here are some of the guys that I've met during my journey, and I hope I'll find a nice and handsome Turkish boyfriend in the future! Amien! hahaha. XD







p.s. I still have more collection in Maria's camera, but I have to wait until she comes back to the Netherlands.

p.s.s. now I'm starting to look like an old pervert.

Chapter 28: Semangat

hanya kau butuh berebah diri
tuk serahkan dirimu dalam keputus asaan
diam, terpejam, sepi
tenggelam dalam kemuraman

Tidak ada sesuatu yang sempurna
dan engkau telah berusaha
hilangkan semua pikiran - pikiran negatif
tumbuhkan emosi emosi positif

Jangan kau kecewakan orang tua yang telah berusaha
doa doa para sanak saudara
dirimu yang telah berjuang sekuat tenaga

tinggal 2 langkah
berat
tapi aku harus
takut
tapi aku maju
hilangkan semua ketidak yakinan

bismillah!!
berikan yang terbaik!
Allah yang menentukan!!

Chapter 27: Ya Allah

Ya Allah..
Aku capai..
Hati, pikiran dan tubuh..
Tapi aku harus tetap berjalan..
tertatih-tatih..
karena perang belum berakhir..

Ya Allah..
Aku tahu aku akan bertahan..
Karena aku harus..
Begitu besar pengharapan..
Begitu besar masa depan..

Ya Allah..
Mohon bagi hamba sedikit semangat-Mu..
Sedikit kreatifitas-Mu..
Sedikit energi-Mu..
Agar hamba masih kuat berjalan..
dikala semua telah telentang..

Ya Allah..
Aku akan bertahan..
Restuilah hamba..
Amien